Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
