you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
