is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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