I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
