dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
