some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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