I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
