Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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