with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
