ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
