mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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