Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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