If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
