Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
