I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
