You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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