I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
