I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
