He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize