at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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