can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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