The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
