I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
