Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
