I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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