He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
