My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
