I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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