She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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