awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
