Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
