Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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