the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
