Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
