Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
