You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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