dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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