Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize