now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
