I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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