He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
