i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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