just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
