She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
