I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i've created a new STD.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
