hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
