she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
