dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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