My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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