I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
