great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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