You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
