I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
