Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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