So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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