No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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