dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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