Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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