Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
