Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
