at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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