If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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