im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
this is an emotional support booty call
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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