does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
