So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
