Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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