'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
