hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
