I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
