i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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