Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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