there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
