if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
