I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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