pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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