Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
