I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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