My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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