My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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