You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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