I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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